I’ve just proven to myself today – in my personal life, I am definitely one of the world’s biggest cynics. How does that happen? How does one start off in life believing in people and their stories, to getting to the point where you start to question everything and everyone?
When you’ve been let down by someone once, you move on and consider that as a one off; when that one off becomes just about every relationship you’ve ever had in one way or another, you start to think that is just the way it is. Conversely, you question yourself and wonder if it’s all about you.
Questioning if it’s just you then makes you wonder if you’re expecting too much or if you’re just too damn fussy. What I’d like to know is, what is too much to expect? Is it too much to want someone to accept you as you are, believe in you despite your foibles? Is it too much to demand respect, honesty and trust? I certainly hope not. It’s always other people who get it right and I really don’t know what the secret is.
The trouble with being this way is that you go into every situation, every conversation and every potential relationship with low expectations. I guess that might not be a bad thing in some ways, you can only go up from a basement start. However, it’s a really hard thing to battle within your own head; that feeling that it won’t be any good and it’ll only lead to hurt, can hold you back.
The toughest thing is breaking the circuit. Cynicism is only bred out of experience and you can’t delete experiences – they happened, simple as that. It’s not as easy as hitting the backspace button and wiping experiences from you memory. You can choose not to let them cloud your decisions by trying to be positive about every new encounter, but lurking in the background is that element of doubt that rears it’s head and starts ringing alarm bells whenever something seems too good to be true.
No idea what the answer is, or whether there is one. If I find one I’ll let you know, but as with most things, there’s never really a definitive solution to anything. But maybe I think that because I’m one of the world’s biggest cynics!
During a conversation with a friend the other day, something she said made me stop and correct her – in a nice way, not a judgemental way. We were in the midst of a discussion that was basically a tennis match of issues. Hers, then mine, then hers, then mine… you get the idea. At one point, she said to me, “…my issues are not as important…”. Wait a minute, yes they are! Why are her issues not as important as mine? Of course they are, they’re her issues, they’re important to her. There’s no comparing when it comes to sharing your issues with a friend. We all have our issues and no one can tell you that your issues are less important, and neither should you even consider that. A true friend will rate your issues as important as their own. You can help each other to get those problems out there for discussion, find solutions or simply talk your heads off with a bottle of bubbles close by to simply alleviate the stress that they cause. A problem shared and all that.
One thing I’ve learnt over the years of dealing with ‘issues’ is that you cannot put them on a scale from 1 – 10 of importance. They are all equally important. Yes there are problems that we have to deal with on a daily basis in our civilised world that might seem insignificant in comparision to those dealing with ‘third world’ issues; nevertheless, they are our problems and they cause us stress, heartache and sadness. Never beat yourself up for feeling bad about something, it’s your bad time and you’re allowed to feel crap about that. The best thing to do is find someone who you can trust to share that bad time with and thrash it out. You might not solve it, but you’ll have a damn good try and possibly find something to laugh about as well.
Happy Wednesday everyone! I’m off to drink bubbles then to the theatre to see Sunset Boulevard – with a very good friend – therapy!