I’ve just proven to myself today – in my personal life, I am definitely one of the world’s biggest cynics. How does that happen? How does one start off in life believing in people and their stories, to getting to the point where you start to question everything and everyone?
When you’ve been let down by someone once, you move on and consider that as a one off; when that one off becomes just about every relationship you’ve ever had in one way or another, you start to think that is just the way it is. Conversely, you question yourself and wonder if it’s all about you.
Questioning if it’s just you then makes you wonder if you’re expecting too much or if you’re just too damn fussy. What I’d like to know is, what is too much to expect? Is it too much to want someone to accept you as you are, believe in you despite your foibles? Is it too much to demand respect, honesty and trust? I certainly hope not. It’s always other people who get it right and I really don’t know what the secret is.
The trouble with being this way is that you go into every situation, every conversation and every potential relationship with low expectations. I guess that might not be a bad thing in some ways, you can only go up from a basement start. However, it’s a really hard thing to battle within your own head; that feeling that it won’t be any good and it’ll only lead to hurt, can hold you back.
The toughest thing is breaking the circuit. Cynicism is only bred out of experience and you can’t delete experiences – they happened, simple as that. It’s not as easy as hitting the backspace button and wiping experiences from you memory. You can choose not to let them cloud your decisions by trying to be positive about every new encounter, but lurking in the background is that element of doubt that rears it’s head and starts ringing alarm bells whenever something seems too good to be true.
No idea what the answer is, or whether there is one. If I find one I’ll let you know, but as with most things, there’s never really a definitive solution to anything. But maybe I think that because I’m one of the world’s biggest cynics!